not the blank slate i had in mind

sometimes, you just feel....nothing. after all of the stress mounts and eventually falls away, after the anxiety of completing an arduous task (or two or three or four), sometimes you just feel nothing. if anything, you feel isolated, as if you could close your eyes and be surrounded by not a white, peaceful atmosphere that is used to relax the mind, but a black abyss, just waiting for you to fall into it, because you took the wrong step in finding your direction, because, again, you feel nothing, so why not go searching for, well, something? it's not negative, but it's not really uplifting, either. it's just neutral. it's a shrug in a bed of delirious thoughts, it's an awkward cough in the middle of a stalled conversation...it's just there, just...nothing. tears can suppress it, actions can help you avoid it, but nothing can hide you from feeling the worst sensation of all. we all want something, anything, especially now with the wind getting colder and the holidays just begging us to find someone to keep us warm. when you feel nothing, you can do nothing. you sit, you wait, and you hold your breath until something sparks your emotions back to life, and you just pray that it happens before your face turns blue from that breath you've been holding in, holding out for anything but nothing.