finally came up for air

i've never been good at writing. i've been good at putting words together, trying to puzzle together my thoughts, but the result is often dark, daunting, and drenched in a rather pessimistic tone. until quite recently, i couldn't remember what it was like to not feel stressed. i was too busy holding every burden, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, that i was neglecting the things in my life that made me truly happy. i only turned to writing to nurse my negative wounds, but once the writing was complete, i was left feeling empty, far from fulfilled. until quite recently, i let almost anything and everything get in the way of me overcoming the elephant in the room, this idea that life was moving forward, and not only did i have to be okay with it, but i had to accept the inevitable that coincides with change. now, in the present state, i've finally found solace in what is entirely new to me. it doesn't scare me or stress me out, but rather, it gives me hope to create something worthwhile, something that will leave me fulfilled and not entirely empty, when all is said and done (and written). it's absurd to think i was such a mess over the stress that was caused by things completely out of my control. i was fighting to defeat the unforeseen, the impossible, and the uncontrollable. i was losing sleep over the smallest of events, and even situations that had nothing--absolutely nothing!--to do with my life. why? i still have no idea and i can only blame myself, and i'll live with that burden. it's not the same kind of burden that used to weigh me down, but rather, a friendly reminder that i can live life no longer feeling empty, but instead, quite fulfilled.