the abyss of being alone

in an attempt to cavort my thoughts, i try to put recent situations and emotions into a place where they can hide outside of my head. in this attempt, often times, i have a hard time letting go, and it becomes a battle between mind and emotion. in recent days, i've found myself not only searching for time to bring my thoughts to light, but i rarely have found enough lull time to even let my thoughts transpire in my mind, let alone forming them so they become languid enough for another orifice. anymore, i find solitude in being alone. whether it be on a walk, in the shower, or in my bed, i feel as though, when i finally sit down to let my emotions and thoughts come out of hiding from the reality of my world, i become stronger than i had previously given myself credit for. through this, too, i find that my sordid notions look miniature compared to the current hope that comes into play. this is not to say that being surrounded by anyone but myself is daunting or creates a negative aura for myself and feelings included, but when my world is spinning and i have a hard time just finding the right balance, it's nice to fight it out alone. the strength you feel from cleaning out the contents of your mind doesn't only become plausible, but it becomes physical. with such new found sturdiness, it's easier to let people in, and when you do that with the right people, the idea of being alone wants to hide with the rest of the darkened, dancing thoughts that negativity is so quick to hand over.